Still Human, Still Feeling

Feb 1st, 2025, it rained all day.

I stared at the words I’d written by hand, with the incredulous gaze of a prehistoric time traveler observing the ruins of her own creation—no longer seen as human engineering marvels, but rather Paleolithic relics—unsure of what’s left of me when the algorithms today tell my story better than I can.

I wrote them anyway. I sent them out. And they said, no.

Sometimes I think about running.

Not to a place, but to a feeling.

Somewhere I don’t have to be this person, with these hands, this face, this voice.

I want to unmake myself. To peel back the clunky shell of whatever I’ve become. What would be revealed if I dared to look closer?

I want to unlearn the world. To forget what I've been told to want. To see with my own eyes, what's out there in the dark.

Maybe it's nothing.

Maybe it's everything.

Maybe it's just me:

Small, human, still feeling, still wondering.

And maybe, just maybe, that's enough.

Anqi’s note: This is the first story in a video story series I’m trying out here on The Aftertaste. As I tell my stories, I’ve come to realize the way I relate to the world shifts depending on the moment—sometimes it feels like words, other times, a color gradient, a moving picture, a passing sound, each with its own texture and flow. In this post, I want to show you my world, not just through words, but through visuals and music, too.

You’ll notice that the visuals and the writing don’t always match up exactly, and that’s by design. Each part of the story has something different to say, and I’m curious to see how it all comes together. I’d love for you to join me on this little exploration, and I’m always open to hearing what you think. :)